how to get over a break-up

Breaking up with someone or being broken up with is possibly, to put it bluntly, one of the shittiest things out there. Even if the break-up happens to be the oh so ideal mutual kind, it still kind of sucks. One minute you have this person who’s been your rock and your person for whatever amount of time, and the next they’re gone. Even if it wasn’t really working out anymore, you still miss them, miss the comfort they brought you, and now you’re going to have to adjust to a new chapter of life – a chapter without them.

I went through a break-up fairly recently, but in my case I was indeed the one to initiate it. This was also my first relationship, so I have no previous experience of break-ups, but I’m going to share the small amount of knowledge I do possess. Oh, and I’m including some things I’ve learned from my friends who’ve gone through break-ups and been broken up with.

First of, I want to point out that being the one who did the breaking up doesn’t mean it’s easy. A lot of the focus in romantic movies and sad love songs is on the person who got dumped, and I completely understand that. However, that doesn’t mean that just because you broke up with someone you’re immediately completely over it, it doesn’t mean that it doesn’t hurt you, or that you won’t cry during the break-up and many times after. You’ll miss them and you’ll miss the good times. And the worst part, at least for me, was that not only was I hurting myself, even though I know in my heart it was the right thing to do for both of us, I was also hurting this person who I loved for a long time. Who I still loved when I broke up with him, just, not really in the same way anymore.

It sucks for both of you when there isn’t really a reason for the break-up. The one who got broken up with wants answers you can’t possibly give them, because nothing really happened to cause the ending of the relationship. There was no cheating, no horrible fights, just.. something changed, and it didn’t feel right anymore. And if and when that does happen, you know you owe it to yourself but also to them not to string them along any longer. Because that’s not fair for either of you.

Now, as far as how to deal with the break-up, my first piece of advice would be to try to end things amicably. There’s no need for there to be any bad blood between you. It’s good to maybe meet up a few times, just to discuss everything there is to discuss, because sometimes you forget something during the actual break-up talk, and you need everything cleared to be able to move on. But that’s it. It’s best to speak in person, no chatting because that doesn’t really lead anywhere. For me personally, after the post-break-up talks I needed a bit of a break. What I mean by this is that I didn’t want to snapchat or text my ex, and I didn’t like it if and when he did it. Once everything has been talked about, well, that’s as far as your responsibility goes. You can’t be there for yourself and them at the same time. You can’t console them, because that’s not fair on you. Even if you did the breaking up, you can’t be there emotionally for your ex, because that doesn’t give you time to think about your own feelings and heal. Instead you’re focusing on the fact that you hurt them, which is of course terrible, but it’s not your responsibility anymore. And they need to understand that as well. Making you feel guilty for breaking up with them is a really shitty thing to do, and once again – not fair to you.

Because we live in a social media-controlled world, there is probably some evidence online to show that the two of you were indeed in a relationship. How you want to go about this is probably something you should discuss with your ex-partner, but at the end of the day it is still your individual choice. When we first broke up, I said I wouldn’t be taking down any Instagram pictures of us, because they were just really good memories (and still are). We didn’t have any other evidence, we were never “facebook-official” just because that kind of thing isn’t really important to me. Nor was it to him. I did however end up deleting the pictures with him earlier this week. Even though they’re good memories, they were a constant reminder of the past chapter of my life, and I couldn’t move on with them there,  so I deleted them, to ‘turn the page’ so to speak. And honestly? It felt so good. I needed them to be gone to be able to focus on moving forward with my life. But once again, this is completely individual. You might be able to move on with the pictures there, but whatever your ex-partner decides to you should still try to respect.

Now, everything has been settled, there’s hopefully been some kind of closure and all social media proof is gone. Now how do you deal with the void? Your partner was probably the person you relied on for everything, the one you sent funny memes and cute cat videos to and talked to about your day- You simply have to try to fill it with other things – and this is where friends enter the picture. Having a good friend or friends to rely on after a break-up really is the best thing in the world. Talk to them, I promise they want to listen if they really care about you. Do stuff together! Go out, go shopping, go to an art gallery or the library – just do anything. This is a great way to keep your mind occupied while you’re having fun with people you care about.

Then there’s everything else in your life you could put energy on, like work or school. I’m not saying to become a workaholic, but at least I’ve found that focusing on my studies and feeling like I’m being productive helps to keep me distracted and makes me feel good about myself at the same time.

And then there’s the most important thing, which I’m mentioning last even though it is the thing you should do first, as taught by Gilmore Girls – wallow. You absolutely need to wallow. Just lay in bed, cry, listen to sad music, watch sappy rom-coms and eat tons of ice cream – I promise you it’s going to make you feel better. Wallowing is a crucial part in getting to the first step of getting over someone, you really just need to have a good cry about it, by yourself, because everything feels at least a little bit better after a good cry. And after you’ve been down, the only way is indeed up, and you’re going to slowly realise, that this was just one part of your life – not the end of the world. It’s going to get better, although maybe slowly, it still is. And you’re going to be strong and independent, and remember that you’re young and that life goes on.


stay rad,




a year

Guess who’s back, back again? The bitch is back, tell a friend.

Extremely sorry for that hello, it has definitely been used too many times before. However, I am back, and I only need one resolution for the upcoming year: update the blog more. Have definitely sucked at posting regularly, not only because I’m questioning what kind of content I want to put out there, but also because trying to juggle university and a social life is very easy; however, actually forcing yourself to sit down and write when your friends are going out for drinks seems to be extremely challenging. I promise to try to be better.

Now, the purpose of this post – I want to do a look back on my year, because boy has it been quite a year.

This time a year ago, I was quite literally drifting. I had chosen to take a year off between high school and university, simply because I had no idea what I was doing, or what I wanted to do for that matter. I always had interests, just never a clear path to a certain career I wanted. To be honest I still don’t have an exact plan career-wise, but I definitely have a lot more direction, and it feels really good.

Spring rolled around, and this is around the time I had my big revelation: I realised what I wanted to study. I might already have mentioned this on the blog (and I have told this story about a thousand times since I started uni, all my lecturers think it’s hilarious), but my great revelation came during and episode of Gilmore Girls (which I may or may not be re-watching at this exact moment. I’m team Logan).

For anyone who knows the show, Rory (one of our Gilmore girls) has always aspired to be a journalist and is very interested in books et cetera – something I relate to a lot. Literature has always been an interest of mine, I’ve always loved writing and would love to maybe interview important people – I just never realised you could actually study this interest of mine. My high school focused mainly on the STEM field, which is obviously awesome, but that was never a great interest of mine even if I did well in the subjects, so I just never realised you could actually study literature, actually read and write for a living! Obviously I realise how many people do write in one way or another for a living, but it just never occurred to me that could do it. Obviously studying literature isn’t simply limited to writing, but you get my point. I found my calling.

Then, one fine summer night at 3 am I was up, most likely watching something on Netflix, when I decided to check my email. And what did I find? Well, only an acceptance email to my first choice university! I had a little dance party in my room and honestly could not wait until morning so I could tell my family. This was it, I was getting out of my small home town, I was going to move out of my parents life and begin a new, independent chapter of my life.

The end of summer got closer and closer, me and a really good friend of mine found an apartment that we’ve now been living in for about 5 months. Then it was time to pack up my life in Hanko and move everything to the city I was going to be studying in. I was a bit nervous for my first day at uni, because I didn’t know anyone who was going to be studying in the same faculty as me, but it did all turn out great. I’m honestly so happy with the direction my life is headed in right now, and I’ve met some really cool people through university and made so many new friends.

Obviously this year has had its downs as well, my almost 2-year relationship ended in early December, but there’s nothing to do about that, it was the right thing, and I can honestly say I have no regrets regarding that. On a lighter note, I’m no longer a teenager! I just turned 20 right at the end of December, but it hasn’t quite sunk in yet. I don’t really feel older, but I suppose you never really do, at least not in a day.

It’s the middle of the night right now, but I just suddenly felt so inspired to also give my blog a new chance this year that I just had to write something. What else is new..? Christmas was really great, I got tons and tons of books, and I barely have any time to read anything I want anyway, uni course lit takes up all of my free time. Still, right now I’m reading this book my brother got me about a guy who was innocent but still ended up incarcerated in Guantánamo Bay, and is yet to be released even though the US haven’t charged him for any crime. It’s sort of a diary mixed with an exposé, although many things are censored, but it’s a truly interesting and insightful read.

Anyway, now I shall get back to Gilmore Girls, and hopefully I might even get a little sleep at some point, even though I did nap around 8 PM. I’m blaming that on my cold though. Oh, and the aforementioned book is called Guantánamo Diary, it was written by Mohamedou Ould Slahi and put together by Larry Siems. Give it a read, especially if you’re interested in criminal literature.


stay rad,